Hello friends and family!

  Last I left off with the blog world, I had returned from my 5-month mission in the Middle East!  Since then, God has done a lot of prepping in my heart, moved heavily in my job, and has now opened the door to lead the same program I started!  How did we get here you might ask?  Let’s start at the beginning!

   Just about 3 years ago, the Lord had asked me to step into something VERY scary.  He asked me to give my yes to my very first mission trip which happened to be 9 months long.  I had already given Him my yes to yield and surrender my life to His plans but I didn’t think it would include a 9-month commitment to serve Him. Despite my hesitancy and fears He was faithful to gift me the courage and confidence to take this big step in my walk with Him.   I figured “He could have this 9 months”…. I would “gift this to HIM”….I had no clue it was actually a 9-month gift TO ME.

  I remember one of our first worship nights at training camp, He touched my spirit like never before.  I encountered the presence of the Lord, HEAVILY.  I was resistant to letting Him touch my heart, it was uncomfortable. I knew He was trying to move in my heart but I wasn’t letting Him.  Just then, one of my Squad leaders came up to me and told me how he felt this year would be pivotal for my life. That God was going to do a work in me that changed the trajectory or plans I had in mind.  Looking back on that moment now, I see how he was spot on, God spoke through one of my leaders to tell me this wasn’t just a 9-month commitment.  God didn’t just want 9 months, He wanted my heart for life.

  Throughout the rest of those 9 months, God changed and refined my heart through simply abiding in His presence and pressing into the community/ mentorship that He had gifted me. My leaders walked closely alongside my faith journey, answering questions and speaking truth into my life almost every day.  I learned God’s heart, tasted and saw His goodness, experienced His presence, and built lifelong friendships.  Most importantly I learned how to walk with God.  I learned how to have a relationship with my Creator and how to be His daughter. I learned who He made me to be and how He wants me to walk out living for Him, through Him.  I learned how to lean on Him without striving from my own efforts…. That everything flows from above and not from me. I’m forever grateful for the ways that I had people to walk alongside me in that season and push me to walk in the ways God had specifically designed for me.

  In the middle of those 9 months, I had heard some chatter about squad leaders for the next year's GAP routes. I knew this was something I was interested in and by the end of my trip, I asked my mentor if that was something he could see me doing.  I assumed he would say that is a great idea, but to my surprise, he told me that it would not be wise for where I was in my walk with the Lord.  He saw a substantial amount of growth from me but shared how weight gets added to growth very quickly when you walk into a leadership position.  He wanted to give space for the Lord to continue growing me without that weight.  This was disappointing but I remember appreciating the honesty and trusting that he had my best interest in mind. I decided to do an alumni trip in the meantime where God continued to refine my walk with Him and grow my heart for more of the nations.

  After my alumni trip, I thought I was all set to lead now, but God had other plans.  He revealed to me at our debrief how going home would be beneficial. I hesitantly surrendered the idea of leading an AIM trip and decided to follow where I felt the Lord leading.  This, once again, was disappointing and I had honestly given up the idea of squad leading.  I figured God had other things in store.  I spent the year at home, working and simply continuing everyday life with Him.  He did truly amazing things and answered my prayers for community and growing with Him in abundance.  I can honestly say this was one of my most refining years of walking with Him.  He taught me how to build.   Build community, build a culture, build a lifestyle in the “mundane” with Him.  He showed me the beauty in that and gently broke off the fear I had walking into a new season with new people.  I am always amazed at how His people come together so easily and make anywhere feel like home… the body of Christ is something truly amazing and so special.

  March came around and I was registered to begin school at the University of Michigan.  I was accepted, waiting for registration day. I had prayed a lot about school and asked some friends who took that path after the race for their opinion on that route.  I was constantly seeking confirmation that this was good, but lacking that confirmation unlike my other seasons that had been so clear.  I decided to proceed anyway and continue taking steps, the best I knew how to.

  Just one week before registration opened, I hopped on the phone with one of my good friends from a previous squad who had been currently squad leading.  I got to hear her experience leading and walked away with some desire and thoughts of returning.  I quickly shut those down, I thought that was simply an old desire returning yet I recognized the discontentment I had for beginning school.  That call reminded me of the fire and passion the race had cultivated in me and the passion/ desire for walking others into that, that remained in me.  I decided to spend that weekend in prayer and fasting to seek the Lord once again on how He may be desiring to use me as a vessel this upcoming year.  Surely it couldn’t be to squad lead, but maybe there was another option I hadn’t thought of…. Just one day later, I got a message from one of my old squad leaders who had stepped up to become a mentor (the people who shepherd and are over the squad leaders).  He asked if there is any chance that I would squad lead a gap route for him…. He was going out on the field with the leaders and wanted me to come!  My autopilot response was no… the Lord was clear on me being home, right?!  I remembered how the next day, I had already planned to sit with the Lord and ask for guidance though, so I told him I would pray about it.

  The next day, I simply sat with Jesus.  I was confused because this seemed so perfect… crazy timing….. too good to be true.  All I felt was excitement thinking about going back out, not to mention I saw this route over a year ago and shut down my desires to be a part of it.  The Lord gave me peace in abundance and I felt Him reminding me that I get to choose what I want in this life.  He showed me this is an amazing opportunity to step into and reminded me how I had been faithful with staying home for a season, but that’s all He had asked it to be… a season.  I felt full freedom and blessing in both decisions, to step into this opportunity or continue on the path I had carved out for myself. I was fully on board with this new idea of leading, knowing that the Lord would bless it but I still asked for 1 confirmation…. To close the door to school for this season. That next Monday, I was looking over my financial aid information and simply trying to understand how all this school stuff works in order to make my final decision.  I was originally under the impression that through my state, I would receive free tuition.  Upon further investigation and many many calls, I found out I was not eligible for any financial aid until I turn 24… that means I would be fully responsible for very expensive tuition for something I was now deeply questioning.  The Lord had reminded me of my prayer for a closed door and how I would turn 24 right before arriving home if I said yes to this trip… Perfect timing.  Wow.

  I invited some community, mentors, and family into this decision and within a few days of being asked, I found myself talking about this opportunity as if I had already decided to go.  One of my mentors at home said “It sounds like you have already made up your mind” and proceeded to ask me questions as if I had already given my yes.  I realized that this is truly my deepest heart's desire… to know Him and make Him known.  To be one of those people who walk alongside others, directly to the Father’s heart, just like my leaders did. This brought an abundance of joy and excitement… I literally stopped at an open field on my way home just to jump for joy haha. That is the freedom and joy of the Lord and the fruit of obedience… I had never literally jumped for joy at the thought of going back out.

  I officially gave my yes that evening and couldn’t have felt better about it or more excited once again.  I feel so seen by the Lord and am sitting in gratitude, just thinking about the way He changed my heart each time, from yes #1 to this current yes.  I went from a fearful reluctant yes, to a joy-filled, eager yes!!

Stay tuned for my next blog about more route info, how God is inviting me into leading my team, and how you can partner with me!